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By Kuwoobie
#73249 So I just spent the past two hours putting together an article for Planet Minecraft. I figure its worth a read. Tell me what you think: ... -dont-ask/


I'm going to go out on a limb here (not really) and assume most of the people who join our two servers are young people, between the ages 8 and 17-- most having not experienced a job or life outside of home and public school drama and summer vacations filled with sobbing themselves to sleep over "why-oh why that girl with the larger breasts and love of Japanese anime doesn't like them," and burning the skin off their faces with toilet paper soaked with Listerine and dish soap hoping it will make their acne go away. Now, I'll be damned if not a one of them who logged in and stayed more than minute didn't ask me to make them an admin, apply for the position on our forums or at least hint at the idea that they wanted it at some point or another during the span of their online existence with us.

Typically these players fall under one of three tiers:

I. The "Hurrr Durr I'm From Planet Minecraft here to review your Hurr Durrrr Make Me OP" Crowd

We have banned roughly 1,500 players between our two servers. About 1,300 of those players fall under this category. For those of you who are unable to discern the obvious, these players join the server for no reason but to trick the server owner into making them OP so they can have a grand old time making a mess of things-- possibly filming the ordeal for a video on Youtube for other hapless mouth-breathing degenerates furiously wanking themselves over it while simultaneously plotting the next big school massacre-slash suicide.

Does this trick ever work? Surely it does or there wouldn't be crowds of them logging in using same copy-pasta they've undoubtedly been dragging down the list of every other server systematically in hopes eventually they'll find one run by some equally desperate tryhard mongoloid twelve-year old looking to score some sweet publicity for his sad little Factions server that is tragically identical to the next seventeen-thousand or so others on the same list. After all the initial appeal of the lolscamartist is the promise of being featured on Planet Minecraft so that their server can be bombarded with even more shameless bed-wetting pre-pubescent sociopaths looking do some griefing... for teh lulz!

II. The "I Want to Be OP So I Can Play Around With All the Super Kewl Admin Powers and Be Loved/Feared by All" Crowd.

These are players that actually play on your server and interact with other people thereof on a fairly regular basis-- whenever they're not writing My Little Pony slash-fiction or sending photos of their bits and pieces to strangers on Craigslist hoping somebody somewhere will give them even a brief moment of attention. "Why do you want to be an admin" you ask them, well the answer is simple, "because I want to help!" Sure, everyone wants to help. Not really, they want to completely ignore your plans for the server and make it their own little mini-games that inevitably ends up lagging everyone out but not without giving everyone in the game +9999 sword skill with McMMO and setting you back several months of development and rendering your other plugins unusable with a few careless keystrokes that perform self-terminating functions within you didn't even know were possible.

These players are also motivated by the idea of a swift and unstoppable revenge against all the other players who have ever been mean to them, made a unkind remark, brushed up against them accidentally or distantly remind them of the kids at school who stuff them into those garbage cans you can't tip over and free yourself because they're suspended in the air by poles on either side.

These players will become extremely angry and vindictive with you if you choose a new admin and God forbid it isn't them! Why, they've been waiting in line to be the next admin for a whole month! Because surely if you weren't a mindless dullard you would be choosing your admins based on how long ago they put in their application instead of whether or not you feel they are capable or trustworthy in the slightest. "Goodbye forever" is the headline of their brief sloppily composed pity-party where they vow never to return, hinting at suicide in attempt to guilt new admin into handing his or her new position over to them lest they off themselves with their brothers BB gun, or jump off the roof of their Florida rent-a-home in the suburbs and sprain their ankle. Don't worry though, they will be online the next day and act like nothing happened.

These players also have a very bad habit of "helping" the server without asking or being asked by anyone then expecting compensation or reward for their "help." This can include spamming your server's IP on another server, evoking the uncouth swarms therein to come to yours for no reason other to counter-spam, troll and grief anything they can. Or, "Oh, I made this crappy unneeded building/dungeon/object you should totally use it somewhere you're welcome can I be admin now?" They will go as far as telling you that you're ungrateful for all of their "help" by not making them admin. True story.

III. The "People Who Actually Deserve It" crowd.

So you love the server you're on, and you really would like to help the owners bring balance and make things fun for everyone while contributing everything you can to the cause. You understand that communication is absolutely vital between the owners, the players and hopefully you, the would be admin. You have already contributed a great deal towards what actually needed to get done by showing initiative and using the means available to you, without help or special privileges from the owners. The best part of all is...

You have never once asked to be an admin. You do not want for power. You are confident, and do not need to pry for attention or approval or reward. You do not NEED to ask, because the owners of the server want YOU.

Those who really desire admin status need to understand: Being an admin is not fun. It is a thankless job that you do not get paid for-- one that demands your constant attention and devotion. You will be completely swarmed by players every time you log in (see image). All of them need your help, seek your guidance or in worst case scenarios will lie to you in hopes you will give them free stuff-- or accuse you of "abuse" for banning their butt-buddy who just spent the past four hours spamming racial slurs and building fully mechanical erections(complete with makeshift ejaculatory fluid) just outside of spawn.

In short, if you really want to help administrate the server you're on, make smart choices, be polite, keep a cool head, and DO NOT PESTER the owner or their admins. Do things that will make them notice you for your talent and nobility, and they will ask you for the honor of being an admin. The more you nag a server owner to promote you, the less likely it will happen. Don't ask, and if you are meant to become an admin, then it will be so. Otherwise, don't ask, because you really shouldn't be one.